Hey There!

Hye there... My last post was in 2013! That was 2 years ago man! Hehehe

I am on leave today. Yesterday, was an anniversary of MH370 missing. I still remember it very clearly. I had an appointment with my beautiful doctor (no, she's not a beautician - she's a breast surgeon) that day, and she told me that her neighbors were among the passengers. Ya Allah! I just had a whatsapp message saying that the plane was safely landed in China. And I eagerly told her about it! Talked about irresponsible message transporter! Instead of verifying the news, i just passed the message to her. 

And, since then.. Without failed, I would be in front of TV at Mama's for Astro Awani at 5.30pm when they update the progress of Search & Rescue mission. It was a year ago.... I pray that one day, the truth will prevail. But I'm afraid, at this rate of plane issues with Malaysia, when that news come out, we'll hope that the news stay uncovered. Nah.. it's only me and my imagination.. Haha... 

And, it was also more than a year ago, when I first discovered I had a breast cancer. Her-2 type, and Alhamdulillah, Stage 1. I can't describe exactly how was my feeling when I received the news. You know, the in denial stage, angers, regrets/bargaining, depression, acceptance. Those 5 stages of sadness. Alhamdulillah, The Most Almighty Allah, The Most Forgiveful, The Most Full of Rahmah. I get through all 4 phases like a brief.. I recovered (Alhamdulillah, all thanks & syukur are for Him) fast enough to start my treatment & pursue for healthy lifestyle. 

I had full mastectomy with tram flap reconstruction (Yeah, go & google it. hehe) And after that, another minor surgery to check on my lymph nodes under my armpit (forget the medical name for it already. Haha) And 1 month after all the surgeries, I had my third surgery to plant the chemo port & the next day started my 6 cycles of 3 medicine chemotheraphy + 11 cycles of herceptin chemotheraphy. I just finished my last cycle on 27th Feb 2015. Alhamdulillah. So far, given my age & Allah's help i get through all the treatment smoothly. With very minimal affect, I can continue with my daily activity as normal. After 2 months & my second week of second cycle of chemotheraphy, I already hit the office. Ahaha.. And had only a week of rest after every chemo. Oh, yeah the normal cycle for breast cancer is every 3 weeks. So, for the first 6 cycles, i had 1 week rest, 1 full + 4 days working. Cause my treatments were on Friday. Easier like that. And after the 6 cycles, I just took a leave on Friday the treatment day. Other than that, Alhamdulillah my body can still keep up with my normal activity. It just I easily feel tired & sometimes, my body ache.

Ya Allah. Betapa Allah itu Maha Penyayang. Frankly, I'm not a very good person, let alone pious. When this happened to me, I'd think (before the news) that I might be in a depression period and can't keep up with life. Tapi... Ya Allah... Tapi... Allah bagi kekuatan tu dengan tak disangka... And I'm not alone. Everyone... I mean, not even one of my close family members, office colleagus & friends that not going through this together with me. Subhanallah... Their support is beyond words. Ini nikmat yang Allah bagi, memang tak dapat nak cari lain. 

My husband, who went to the doctor with me & received the news together with me. He's in denial mode even longer than me. But, his love. Ya Allah... If you look at us in normal day, you won't believe how he treated my since then. This is what we call Jodoh Allah yang tentukan. If I were to marry other guys, I can't think they could treat me like Ted had. Ya Allah, thank you Allah for him. :)

My family. We kept it from them, until 2 weeks before the surgery. Just because, I don't want them to worried about me. It was until, Mama told us she & Papa were going to Indonesia for a holiday and the date is on the day after my surgery, that we need to tell them. Hehe.. And tak payah cakap la kan Mama macam mana. Papa, he's quite but I can still feel his concern and everything. Since then, every appointment they went with me. Huhu... Ya Allah, tak terbalas. Tak tau sempat ke tak nak balas semua ni.. Angah! Ya Allah.. My sister, slept with me in the hospital since day 1. Ya Allah... Iskk.. Nak nangis la ni.. Nini & Abang and the family also like that. Datang hari-hari to the hospital & Markas Mama. I was in the hospital for 10 days the first time. 

My colleague.. My closest friends... Syikin & Yan. Ya Allah. They were the ones that urges me to go to the clinic & have a check. Kalau ikutkan memang takut & yeah, in denial. Hehe. The symptoms were all there, tapi sebab takut. And they never left me for the rest of this journey. They prayed for me! Doakan kesihatanku. Ya Allah.... They even cried & worried together with me. Yan, syikin, elis & k linda - they visited me for every 3 surgery i had. Ya Allah, terhutang budi sangat.. Next, my boss. He knew about my health since after I get the news, for it easier for us to arrange my work & task. And he did just beyond that, he together with some other friends arranged for Solat Hajat & bacaan Yassin during my surgery. Ya Allah... Alhamdulillah. Tak terbalas semuanya.... Ya Allah.. Tak tahu nak cakap macam mana... My ex-schoolmate, my ex-colleagues, my ex-boss, all yang tahu semuanya mendoakan kesihatan aku.. Ya Allah... Tak tahulah macam mana nak cakap... 

So, women out there. Don't be afraid to do your check up, regularly. If you detected it earlier, Insya Allah, we could work on it. Yang penting, doa! Doa tu kekuatan umat Islam, not only during perang.. Usaha. Support from our love ones, from everybody around us. Yeah, dalam sejuta tu, there will be seorang dua yang negative. Don't focus on them, just focus on the positive ones. Because, you need to stay positive! Everything happened for a reason, ada hikmah disebalik kesusahan. I remember my oncologist said "You have no reason not be positive!" 

Next, insya Allah I'll share on my treatment & my healthy lifestyle now. Hahaha... healthy sangat sambil munching chocolate Hershey's. 

Oh Mann!! I Lost my Phone!

Benda paling paling paling menyampah bila hilang phone.......

1) Contact List - Arrghh.. kena carik balik satu2... Dang!

2) Gambarr & Video - I have thousands of pics & videos of my kids... don't you know childhood only came once??

3) Lagu - Penat tau tak nak download balik... 

4) Game - Word Games guaa... Dah level tinggi2 sekali kena restart... ahhh.. luckily candy crush sync dengan FB.. 

5) Notes - I'm a human Dory (Watch Finding Nemo).. I forgot almost everything, it's lucky i still remember my name & married with kids.. hahaha... So, i practically put down all my thoughts, my to-do list, my berangan list (oh dang! did you read it THIEF?), my anger, my mood swing, my debts (hah.. now you know my debts, why not u pay it for me please...), my work related thingy (now i need to crack my head again!) Luckily i didn't put any account no or password in it.. 

6)  Account setting/Password - FB, Instagram, Gmail, Office mail... uhhh... kena tukar.. 

7) Whatsapp - Gossip Woih.. i'm the person yang tak suka clear whatsapp chat... dengan banyak group.. gossip pun banyakler.. so, nah amek sekali dosa gossip.. hahaha... 

huhu.. itu je yang paling menyampah yang teringat sekarang... huhuuh... 
malas dah nak beli smart phone (sambil mengharapkan En Ted bermurah hati blanjer).. pakai je ape yang ade dulu.. ahaha.. eh boleh ker? :P 

Cepat uolss buat derma kilat Note 3 + Gear untuk i... hahahaha

Hey there

Hey there... It's' been ages since I wrote in here... Simply because I dun have the energy to open my laptop after my kids sleeping.. And also because I didn't get my mojo on writing yet... Heheh.. So now I have my new gadget.. I will try to blog more.. Just to keep my mind working... Hhih

Seriously... Being a mom of two teach me a lot... Now my struggles is to lose my weight (20kilos of that)... And to give my kids their best childhood memories.. Yeah.. So there.. Need to sweep the floor while d kids playing in the room.. Bye there...

Baby Q

Huhu... Adik Q never get the spotlight like his sister in here. Sorry baby.. Ever since i had the instagram. i forgot all about blogging.. And mummy put loads of your photos in there..

Cian adik.. he's been having a hard time these few weeks. i dunno is it adjusting time or what..
Starting with diarrhea pastu dah ok, batuk pulak, then repeat diarrhea, then now, he just recovered from measles.. but the coughing are still here... Been thinking of bringing him to hospital, but we give until this Sunday if still not ok then APSH here we come!

Adik currently starting to crawl.. baru 3 langkah ke depan.... sooo cute! Muahh Adik Q.. nnt mummy ade mase & motivasi, mummy akan update pasal u yer.. :)

Hello testing

Testing.. It wud be easier to update my blog now.. Hahaha..

Hope...

Hi There...
2012 last in few hours.. Then, we'll be entering 2013.
Huhuh.. To the 'Doomsday Preppers'.. Gud Luck & Continue with your preparation.. hehe :P

Papa will be 63 tomorrow! Happy Birthday Papa :)
Me & Ted will turned 31 next year..

 2012 taught me life. Taught me lesson of Life.. Many things happened in 2012..
Good & Not-so-Good..
Haa.. Iqram was born last September 2012! Hi Iqram! :) Hahaha.. Padahal hari2 jumpa kat rumah...
Our salary been upgraded.. Haha.. Alhamdulillah. :) More money coming means we have to save more... My debt to Mama was done this December! Yeay.. Alhamdulillah.. Finally 1 hole closed, another few to go.. Hahaha... Mann!!

I managed to go to the BBW on the 1am final Sunday.. My takes for next year: Visit earlier & without Kids. We went the final weeks and with Iman.. ohh.. most fav /popular titles were gone & i can't concentrate searching the books.. Hehehe..

We managed to fill in 2 boxes, (except for A Doctor in The House & The Extermination Years)

Okay, my hope in 2013...
1. To be all positive! (Hahaha... Teetttt!!! Cliche!): But it's true.. I need to put all the negative aura and things behind & live my life positively.. I'm done with my misery (hahah!) and ready to move on!
You see... i may not be a pendendam in many things. Tapi there a certain things that leave a deep scar & i found it impossible to forget! Ya Allah.. berikanlah kekuatan kepada hambamu ini.. That's it! 2013 in mind-cleansing year! ahahah

2. To be 16kgs lighter (continue from 3 previous years) (hahaha.. Cliche lagi.. Nexttt!!!) Hahaha... Yupe. Tomorrow will gonna be a starting day for my crash-fullforce-diet program! I'm all In! Bring it On!! hahaha.. After Iqram was born, i managed to get my pre-Iqram weight.. even 3 kgs lesser.. but my pre-Iman's weight that my ultimate dream! Please... let it materialised in April 2013!

3. To finally have home. We've been searching high & low for a new house to buy. But, either the house is like retak menanti belah, or the area or the price!! Sigghh!! Only last year, when our loan can only go for RM250k, the house price is RM350k.. Now that our loan can go for RM600k, the price jumped to RM590-700k!! Hellooowww!! how can we keep up and buy a house? Hahaha... Damn u property agents.. you messed up with the house price! We aimed to buy the house by this year.. and that's mean by April 2013 also!

Ok, 3 are enough.. Hahaha... eh ade lagi satu...

4. Holiday!! We extremely need a holiday next year. This year kite duduk diam2.. next year harus pegi jenjalan!! Hahahaha... Where to? Still on the our un-decided list...

Patching Things Up...

Some says.. There always a rainbow after the rain..
Dalam Islam pun menyebut, setiap kesusahan akan dibalas dengan kesenangan..
Aminn..

Alhamdulillah.. last month was the worst month in my life.. Even worst from last year.. I dunno.. I wish I could say, Wake me up when November ends..

Alhamdulillah... I can finally accept the fact.. But, the healing process takes time.. longer than i thought..
As the scars are deeper, it definitely takes some effort to patch things up.. I do Thank Allah for this test. For I may take things for granted. Now, I will always open my eyes and try to do my best for our life.

It hurts a lot and it eating me inside.... I pray that one day, some day, this things will slipped away from my mind and I'll be okay 100% and learn to trust & put hope again..
Until then, I'm gonna live my life as it is.. Huhu.. Now the rain has stopped, i'm waiting for the rainbow and sun to shine.. :)

Tapi.. betullah... Sebesar mana pun dugaan hidup kita.. besar lagi dugaan umat Islam di Gaza..
So, it's nothing compared to what they faced in their daily life..

Al-Fatihah & Pray for all Muslims in Gaza. :)